+1, dating a trans woman as a man doesn’t make you gay
tangent on attraction to trans people being gay
I understand why people get this confused though, a lot of times “trans woman” is a gloss for “man who lives socially as a woman” - the assumption people have is that trans women are “biologically male” - this is like an essential aspect of being a trans women, it’s what differentiates them from cis women: being male. And so I understand the polite response is to treat a trans woman as a woman, but when it comes to someone’s sexuality, that is likely to expose the deeper perspective that trans women are really male (and thus attraction to them is attraction to a male, and thus gay). All I can say is that trans women are women biologically, too - sex hormones like estrogen mediate a lot of the differences between male and female bodies. A trans woman on estrogen is more like a cis woman than a cis man “biologically” - the way they smell, the way they metabolize drugs, etc. And even this binary notion of sex is a bit of a lie, even cis people often have more mixed sexual traits than they realize. Anyway, this is complicated. “Straight” and “gay” might themselves not make sense in a world where we acknowledge the natural diversity in human sexual differentiation.
I think sometimes the “genital preference” has often become an acceptable form of “transphobia” (I don’t mean that word in the “I’m going to murder a trans person” kind of way, but more like a “bias and stigma against trans people” kind of way).
I think this is a fundamental confusion about female penises, tbh - the assumption is that they are much like male penises, which is a reasonable assumption given how little exposure people have to the female penis. Even in trans porn you generally see trans women’s penises being used like men’s penises - how are we supposed to show this is unrealistic and not characteristic of most trans women?
On the other hand, I do believe genital preference really should be respected regardless of whether it gets mixed up with transphobia, and someone who understands and sees a woman’s penis as a female might still prefer to have penetration with a vagina, for example. Anal sex can be involved and be painful, etc. so I completely understand if that doesn’t end up suitably replacing vaginal sex (and to be honest, I feel this way myself as a trans woman - I was deeply unsatisfied with having a female penis, and I feel if I have a right to my bottom dysphoria and sexual preferences, who am I to deny some legitimate preferences of sexual partners who also want a particular kind of penetration?)
That said, I do think often ignorance and transphobia hide behind “genital preference” and this muddies the waters. My reaction to this is a bit of indifference - I’m not interested in coercing anyone into having sex with trans people, I just want to have an opportunity to expose more people to the truth and invite people to think more deeply about their beliefs. I don’t need to change them, even, it’s just nice to have some dialogue.
+1, dating a trans woman as a man doesn’t make you gay
tangent on attraction to trans people being gay
I understand why people get this confused though, a lot of times “trans woman” is a gloss for “man who lives socially as a woman” - the assumption people have is that trans women are “biologically male” - this is like an essential aspect of being a trans women, it’s what differentiates them from cis women: being male. And so I understand the polite response is to treat a trans woman as a woman, but when it comes to someone’s sexuality, that is likely to expose the deeper perspective that trans women are really male (and thus attraction to them is attraction to a male, and thus gay). All I can say is that trans women are women biologically, too - sex hormones like estrogen mediate a lot of the differences between male and female bodies. A trans woman on estrogen is more like a cis woman than a cis man “biologically” - the way they smell, the way they metabolize drugs, etc. And even this binary notion of sex is a bit of a lie, even cis people often have more mixed sexual traits than they realize. Anyway, this is complicated. “Straight” and “gay” might themselves not make sense in a world where we acknowledge the natural diversity in human sexual differentiation.
I think sometimes the “genital preference” has often become an acceptable form of “transphobia” (I don’t mean that word in the “I’m going to murder a trans person” kind of way, but more like a “bias and stigma against trans people” kind of way).
I think this is a fundamental confusion about female penises, tbh - the assumption is that they are much like male penises, which is a reasonable assumption given how little exposure people have to the female penis. Even in trans porn you generally see trans women’s penises being used like men’s penises - how are we supposed to show this is unrealistic and not characteristic of most trans women?
On the other hand, I do believe genital preference really should be respected regardless of whether it gets mixed up with transphobia, and someone who understands and sees a woman’s penis as a female might still prefer to have penetration with a vagina, for example. Anal sex can be involved and be painful, etc. so I completely understand if that doesn’t end up suitably replacing vaginal sex (and to be honest, I feel this way myself as a trans woman - I was deeply unsatisfied with having a female penis, and I feel if I have a right to my bottom dysphoria and sexual preferences, who am I to deny some legitimate preferences of sexual partners who also want a particular kind of penetration?)
That said, I do think often ignorance and transphobia hide behind “genital preference” and this muddies the waters. My reaction to this is a bit of indifference - I’m not interested in coercing anyone into having sex with trans people, I just want to have an opportunity to expose more people to the truth and invite people to think more deeply about their beliefs. I don’t need to change them, even, it’s just nice to have some dialogue.