On one side I enjoy solitude, walking alone, drawing, fishing and cooking. Most people bore me because I find them dull and superficial. I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think. I dislike big groups of drunks or people that need to yell and listen to loud music to feel good.
On the other hand, I’ll die one day, possibly alone, because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a girlfriend, marriage or raising children, nor to go to a club or a similar social occasion where people find other humans and maybe a partner.
Suddenly, dying alone with no children feels depressing: Everything I save and don’t spend will be appropriated or sold, everything I learn, a whole life of experiences, will simply be forgotten, I know I won’t feel anything when I die, or after, and I shouldn’t care about it, but I still feel sad I’m going to die without nobody but the debt collectors noticing my death. Suggesting I marry out of desperation so I don’t die alone would be a terrible idea. So don’t. I’m too set on my ways and wouldn’t be fair to any child.
I like some human contact but feel the world offers me either loud, drunk jerks, immature idiots or the complete solitude I have now, a solitude I mostly enjoy but sometimes makes me feel alone.
On the title: One of us, one of us…
On the text, it should be said that not liking loud party situations is actually pretty common. There’s lots of people who like drawing and cooking; that alone doesn’t mean you’ll be lonely. If you want to meet people who are into those things, groups do exist.
You do have to listen to people talk, and care about what they’re saying, though. Unless you never talk to anyone else about your interests or problems (this thread is literally about your problems), that’s just fair turnaround. Not doing so makes you a jerk, not superior or something, which, TBH, is the vibe you’re giving off.