Please be civil in the comments.
And if so, who gives a shit? Be gay or triple-gay-xxl+ for all I care. Do what feels right and not what societal norms currently tell.
On a purely “technical” level, I’d say if a dick and a dick do dickthings together, that’s gay. If your girlfriend now identifies as a unicorn wouldn’t make you a zoophile either 😉
Gay, straight, and lesbian are just convenient labels that we use to classify one type of attraction. Tbh I find it a bit silly that people are concerned about “would that make me gay?”
If you are still attracted to them then who cares. That attraction could be physical or it could be romantic but either way it depends on how you feel about that person.
Gayness is as real as Canadianness. It’s an imaginary line someone with political power tries to tell people they have to be entirely on one side or the other of. Don’t let other people’s imaginary lines define you. Go hug your partner.
The terms hetero and homo refer to gender, not sex. So nothing has changed and whatever attracted you to him is what attracted you. If that’s gender-expression, and that gender expression has changed, and you’re no longer attracted, then hetero is the term for that. If it was, but you were attracted to his masculinity, then homo is appropriate. If you were attracted to his feminity, but also like his masculinity, then bi is appropriate and if his gender never played a part then pan is appropriate.
That being said, the other person doesn’t really define your label. Just call yourself what you like. It’s completely okay to like someone for one set of reasons, and then stay with them because you grew closer and found a bunch of other reasons, and are now in love and have a life together.
Oh no, my steak is too juicy, my lobster is too buttery!
Jokes aside, who cares? The only thing that matters is that you’re happy with each other.
Does your partner make you happy?
That’s all that really matters. Define it in whatever way you’re comfortable with. Or don’t define it. You don’t owe the world an explanation.
If you’re worried about someone else questioning your relationship, you can always just reply: “I’m with [my partner] because I love them.”
Anyone who can’t accept that isn’t worth engaging in conversation on the subject anyway.
Honestly? Who cares? It’s a label. I had a label on me that said I was a banana the other day (because my kid found it funny to move the sticker)
Sounds a lot like something a banana would say…
EXACTLY!!1 all bananas act and believe the same things so you should never trust them.
DON’T LISTEN TO BIG BANANA’S PROPAGANDA SHEEPLE!!!
lol
If you were attracted to them pre transition and post that by definition makes you bisexual or pansexual. I will also echo everyone else saying that these labels don’t mean much and could easily become a cage. Their fundamentally just words you use to help others understand, not something you need to pin down and then execute. Let your heart and relationship become whatever feels right, and only THEN use words to describe it to others.
More important than labels is being supportive, careful and judgment free for your partner. Speaking as a trans woman who started transition during a long term relationship. Any confusion and concerns you may have, I assure you are exponentially larger for him. It’s okay if this is no longer the relationship you signed up for, but please for the love of life, don’t berate, challange or express disgust toward him. This is a very vulnerable time and speaking carelessly will cause lasting harm. My ex and I went to pride parades, but when I came out suddenly I was a disgusting pervert. Again it’s okay to leave if being with him no longer sparks joy, but don’t scorch the earth on the wya out.
Do we call post-transition to medical/surgical transition or to period after coming out as trans. When I first met him, he was tomboyish in dressing - no piercing (like ear or nose, that we commonly see on women). Behavior wise quite non-expressive. After his coming out. I initiated if he wants to meet specialists for medical or surgical help. He refused with disgust while counter questioning - “Would that make me more trans?”. I don’t know if he’s still in his cocoon or a grown butterfly.
Medical transition is a whole separate hemisphere of trans life. Despite what most media depictions imply, the majority of trans folk never pursue surgery. Trans folk have always existed, long before medical options were possible. It’s even more recent for them being wildly available. I think most of the community would agree that transition begins when you decide to start pursuing something else, not necessarily after egg crack/coming out/hormones/surgery.
He refused with disgust while counter questioning - “Would that make me more trans?”
Well… good! I am super happy for him! It would be far worse if he felt he had get surgery since that means he’d been suffering.
Honestly this isn’t unusual. I myself did only social transition before deciding ~6 months later to start HRT. Fundamentally he is on a super healthy wave length. We can’t always control how the world perceives us, but so long as you know yourself and are supported by the people who matter, then everything else is just noise.
Transition is all about finding a better way to exist, if he doesn’t feel the need to do any sort of physical changes, that is great! If he changes his mind someday, also great! That day never comes? Still great! The reality of transition is baby steps into something new, then stopping to reflect on if that helped. Him coming out to you sounds like one of those steps. Up to him to decide the one after that. There truly is no wrong answer.
Since you already talking about medical transition, I think you should make it clear that if he does decide to do that, you’ll support him. And then never bring it up again. He knows its an option but you don’t want him to feel like it is an expectation. It’s not for everybody and surgery itself is in no way a reflection of “how trans you are”. We’re all different.
It all happened two weeks ago, I didn’t talk to him for whole day after that conversation. Next day, things eased off and everything returned to normal but we never talked about that conversation ever again. I don’t think bringing that up is necessary. There are several other ways to express that my love and respect for him has increased even more.
Why wouldn’t you just be bi? From the description you would have been attracted to both male and female partners so bi would be appropriate.
Bi is the only completely certain sexual orientation—everything else is potentially contingent on the set of people we’ve met so far.
Don’t stress over labels. They don’t fit anyone perfectly.
Short answer: you’d be in a gay relationship (assuming you identify as male). Whether you take the label “homosexual” or not is up to you. The labels matter less than you and your partner communicating well.
I can speak from experience here, because this actually happened to me!
My partner (born female) and I married in our late 20s. He was already casually gender non-confirming before we married, and I described myself as hetero-flexible. His transition was rather gradual, with no strict coming-out event, but it was something we discussed openly. After he began presenting as male on work settings, I began identifying myself as bisexual.
It worked out very well. As the person above noted, you can really call yourself whatever. If you wanted to, you could identify as straight with an exception made for a single person. Although I would advise against it, as your partner might take some offense, and it confuses people if you identify in a way that conflicts with your long term partnership. Most co-workers assume I’m gay because I’m married to a man, and I don’t bother to correct them.
Sometimes it comes up, because my husband and I have a biological son together, which isn’t a secret. Sometimes when taking about him and genetics, it leads me to explaining all of this. But as you can see, it’s unusual, but not that hard to explain.
I would think you’d be bisexual.
They change their presenting gender, but not their sex so I don’t think it’s accurate to call yourself homosexual.
I don’t think there is any reason to label it personally
The fact that you framed them as “biological” rather than “assigned” makes me question your motivation for asking.
I was about to say that. Biological-female and biological-male is a form of misgendering that is far too common and an innacurate way of describing someone’s sex or gender.
And there are people who do it maliciously, but it’s also pretty common for well-meaning advocates to do it before they learn. That seems to be OPs case, at least on the surface of it.
Never meant to imply that it was malicious, just that it’s common and should be pointed out more often.
I feel like when you fall in love with someone, you grow to love their features that can’t change too, like their eyes. You would still love these things after transition. I imagine it’s still something you can’t predict until you’re in that situation and see for yourself. I’m also asexual and it’s different for us, so just a heads up.
