lot of thing happened for me, not even single warning and bang, it hits so hard to the point i feel like i want to give up on life. what happened so far :
- lost 4+ years of hardwork and source of income due to small mistake
- money stuck in certain platform and they no guarantee it will be back after 6 months
- ghosted by “close friends”. realized most of them don’t care when i am at lowest
- staying in hotel and Aircon brokes two days before i checkout, and not even single compensation given
- i still highly depends on medication just to able to sleep, doctor doesnt seem to have empathy
- i have CTS (Carpal tunnel syndrome) for years and i still cannot regain my full strength back.
- my career stuck in low income level, and its hard to get new job these days
- still regularly going to hospital at least 2-3 times a week, to the point i get tired of it already
people say life is blessing, but for me life is suffering, all bad things always happened, i am not even allowed to be happy anymore.
Why are you in the hospital every week?
medication only can be provided every week dosage, and physical theraphy for my CTS
Thanks, I understand a little better now.
I find, when I feel like giving up or ending my life, that I actually want a significant change in my surroundings. A metaphorical death of my current situation to make way for a new one. That can mean ending relationships, jobs, moving, or a combination of all of those.
There are some opportunities to change your life in the things you are experiencing. Friends leaving means more time to pursue solitary interests or try to meet other people. If your job sucks, then try new money making ventures. Maybe they will suck too, maybe they won’t, but they will at least be new. You don’t even have to quit your current job—you can look for a side hustle.
Things suck now, so why not take some risks?
yes but i just lost 4 years of side hustle just because of small mistake recently, taking new side hustle is kinda traumatic for me. i do tried open shop but no customer so far.
i tried to meet other people but the older you get, the harder it is to get new friends especially i am middle aged.
also my health problem is not really helping at all.
I am also older, and recently went through a life changing divorce. I understand where you’re at. I don’t think there is a perfect answer, but I’ll tell you what I did in case it helps.
At first, I was lonely and isolated. I think that was an important phase because it kind of burned out the last fucks I had to give from my previous life. Then, I gravitated towards places where lonely people go—bars, strip clubs, cigar lounges, etc. This provided an ample supply of temporary friends who helped to build my confidence again. I could be anyone I wanted to be and disappear any time I wanted. My troubles were small compared to some of the people I met. Just being able to talk to someone, and knowing it was available any night I wanted it, was nice.
During the week, I lived like a monk, and on Saturday, I practiced projecting any version of myself I thought I might want to be.
After going through that for a few months, I felt good enough to get on the apps. Wound up meeting some people who became friends and got a new girlfriend…presto, I had entered a new phase of my life again.
My current friends are shocked when they hear how I was living before I started hanging out with them, but I see it differently. I survived. I didn’t succumb to the inertia that was so easy to choose. It was messy, but it was what I needed to do since there aren’t many third places left to strike up a conversation with a stranger.
Things are still a little fragile for me and I haven’t decided if I want to keep building this current life or burn it down and try again, but the experience of losing everything so profoundly and being forced to start again from the bottom has made me much less afraid. I know there’s company to be found in hell, and I’m strong enough to enjoy the night while waiting for the dawn to appear.
So if you lose it all, maybe you can find some identity in becoming a bottom dwelling creature with the understanding that you are still looking for an opportunity to rebuild. If you keep throwing out lines, you will catch a fish eventually.
thanks for sharing your experiences, yeah i think i will try to follow your examples since in the end, life is so unpredictable and cruel at same time so might as well do something instead of nothing.