(Washington DC) As questions swirl about the Epstein files, DC locals have noticed a new rental listing in the area: the White House. The official White House web page lists availability and pricing to stay a night in the famous bedrooms on the property. Several rooms are already booked for weeks at a time, even with pricing sometimes reaching $1 million per night (including DC area room taxes and fees). Opinions are mixed on the legality and even value of the listings.

“This is a novelty purchase,” said one sheik who asked not to be identified. “One must usually be a head of state to stay here, but now, at last, the ultra rich can add their importance to the building.”

“I have rented the Lincoln Bedroom for a week,” he added. “It’s supposed to be haunted. At the price I am paying, I hope the soft moans of Karoline Leavitt will be heard outside the room, if you know what I mean.”

Other parties are eager for the rooms as well. Sergey Naryshkin, head of Russian intelligence, says “we have little need for additional ears in the White House, but we have rented some rooms as a show of support to the current administration.” His show of support is being echoed by parties all over the world, eager show their interest in the needs of the president.

“I hear Xi Jinping was browsing the website,” trump mentioned in a press briefing, supposedly about US sharing of nuclear technology but which quickly became a sales pitch for the plan. “I’m not saying any of you can afford it, but certainly you can show this to your business owners…. Not you, Kristen, Rupert [Murdoch] already has a room.”

Some on the left are concerned about the program, and especially the “loyalty points” program rumored to be attached to the stay. Per Anderson Cooper: “100,000 points and ‘we pardon any problems with your stay,’ I’m hearing. I feel we should really bring that up with an adult, if one is left in the room.”

No adults could be reached by newstime.