Ladies and gentlemen, the dumbest person on the planet, Donald Trump.
“Nasssty Canada, with its healthcare and reciprocal tariffs!” Krasnov hissed. “It burns us, precious!”
He hunched over in the dim glow of the Oval Office, stroking a golden golf ball in his palms, his eyes darting between it and the maps spread across his desk. “They take advantage of us, yes they do. Always winning, always smug with their free doctor visits and politeness. Weak! But strong! It’s tricksy, so tricksy!”
A cough echoed from the corner. His chief of staff, a weary-looking man with thinning hair, cleared his throat. “Sir, this—uh—this meeting with Prime Minister Trudeau is important. We need to discuss trade.”
Krasnov recoiled, clutching the ball tighter. “Trade?! TRADE?! Filthy free-traders! They cheat us! Steal from us! But we—” He paused, his voice dropping into a desperate whisper. “We could… could take their milk, yes, yes! Their delicious dairy! Make America milky again!”
His chief of staff pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sir, we already produce a lot of milk.”
Krasnov’s face twisted, his fingers tightening around the golf ball like a strangling grip. “No! Canadian milk is special! It’s… socialist milk! It must be destroyed! We put tariffs on it, we crush them, and then we take it for ourselves, yessss!”
A flicker of doubt passed across his face. He shook his head violently, as though fighting himself. “But what if… what if Canada is right?” His voice softened, a pained expression twisting his features. “What if… universal healthcare isn’t nasssty? What if… it’s… good?”
He gasped, stumbling backward, horror-stricken. “No! No, no, no, never! That’s socialism! That’s evil! We hates it!” He flung the golf ball across the room, where it clattered against a bust of Lincoln and rolled onto the carpet.
His chief of staff stared, unsure of what to say.
Krasnov froze, then slowly crawled toward the ball, cradling it again in his hands. “We must punish Canada. Yes, precious. We must make them pay. Or else… or else we lose.”
A long silence followed.
Finally, the chief of staff sighed. “I’ll call the trade representative.”
That thumbnail is pretty nasty
I’m convinced the guy is literally doing this because of how it would look on a map. He took a look at how big Canada looks (partially due to Mercator) and thought “Wouldn’t it be great if the my country was that big?”
I have never known a man who needed to get punched in the face worse than Donald Trump. I am not a violent man. I detest “online tough guys” who treat every situation as an excuse to advocate for violence. And I’m not saying I endorse a bullet or a guillotine or something like that. I’m not even saying I’d punch him.
But this man has clearly never been punched in his shit-talking mouth, and if someone had done it 40 or 50 years ago, we wouldn’t be here now.
I’m not even saying I’d punch him.
I’ll do it.
Get in line.
And I’m not saying I endorse a bullet or a guillotine or something like that.
Honestly, my greatest wish for Trump and Musk? That they have all their wealth and contacts stripped from them, and they either spend the rest of their lives in a blue collar prison, or homeless on the street without a single soul willing to help them… I’ll settle for the guillotine though.
Public spanking of Donald is in order. Time to put up Wanted sign for Don.
You’ve managed to piss off the country whose reputation is that they apologize for everything. Stupid idiot.
Good. Proud to be Canadian.
Still stolen land.
I honestly don’t understand the downvotes. Canada is a settler colonial state, does anyone dispute that here? The indigenous people were coerced into “signing treaties” without having the legal and cultural framework, and without having the status and power to be fully free parties into a free agreement. And regardless, this is one of the things we are actually doing better(*) than the yanks: we have had a Truth and Reconciliation Commission, and we are learning to cope with our past. Every person who becomes Canadian swears to “faithfully observe the laws of Canada including the Constitution which recognizes and affirms the aboriginal and treaty rights of First Nations, Inuit and Métis peoples”.
The US is a country that had a noble foundation and a shitty follow through. Canada is the opposite: a shitty foundation, a noble follow through. We are precisely the one of the two that does not pretend we came from the pure ideal of some idealized founding daddies, we specifically understand that we must always improve. We’re a forward facing people. That’s why I’m proud to be Canadian.
(*) “better”, not well. We actually have a very long way to go, and we still are very bad at treating indigenous people. The downvotes actually attest to that.
I mean, yeah, every plot of land was “stolen” from another group throughout history. Even going back to before Homo sapiens, and most certainly between indigenous tribes.
Fortunately, Canada has acknowledged our history, and has been in the position to give back and support our first nations throughout the years.
More work needs to be done, for sure, but this doesn’t diminish Canada in any way.
This colonizer horse shit ignores the fact that the people you stole the land from are still here. Where’s the repairations?
Clearly you’re not paying attention.
Has Canada started returning the land it stole?
There’s something called the internet that can answer all your stupid questions. Start with, ‘has the US given back any land they stole from Indigenous people?’
I see you’re from Iowa so probably not familiar with a lot of our news. Here are a few links to recent land and governance transfers, and modern treaties in BC. As I live here these are the ones I know about, there are probably more in other provinces. While there is still so much to be done, these are excellent starts. Cheers
Haida Title Lands Agreement Agreement
Nisga’a Final Agreement (2000) Agreement
K’ómoks First Nation (In process) BC Govt page on the process
And when will they give it all back? And how about all the profits made from resource extraction? The minerals, trees, and oil were stolen too.
This colonizer horse shit ignores the fact that the people you stole the land from are still here.
Yeah, so I have relatives with first nation blood, so I won’t own your toxic comment.
Where’s the repairations?
Without knowing what you consider to be important, the Government of Canada has helped to fund quite a few projects to help our indigenous people: Healthcare, infrastructure, social assistance, clean water, trade, business and economic growth within their communities, etc.
Hundreds of millions are spent each year to ensure that we do what’s right.
We’ve settled land claims (with more to come), and have worked to protect first nation culture and languages.
There’s always more to be done, and as I mentioned, Canada acknowledges that this is still a work in progress.
A few government handouts don’t make up for the centuries of superexploitation.
Land back or nothing.
Two questions:
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Are you in Canada?
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Are you/your people indigenous to land now within Canadian borders?
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1% Indian princess encourages those whining natives to shut up, they’re listening!
are still here.
That’s some good longevity, Lou.
Yes, and so is the USA. Canada needs to work on its own problems, not be annexed by another country with similar problems.
Yeah, Canada’s problems don’t need to be solved by annexation, and wouldn’t be solved by annexation.
Both need to be abolished.
Is there a practical component to your argument or are you just sticking with ideal hypotheticals.
I would practically like to see Canada and the US broken up by indigenous resistance.
It seems impossible until it is inevitable.
Donald Trump was meant to die in prison.
Good.
Let him stick to that line, keeping Canadians angry and trade negotiations stalled. He’s helping us maintain the momentum needed to build a stronger Canada and end reliance on U.S. trade for good. When he and his ilk are all eventually deposed, the U.S. will have to make many concessions to get (partially) back into our good graces. If that doesn’t happen, our need for political separation will only increase.
No deal is the best deal.
He’s not dumb. He’s cancer. He’s aggressive. And he intends on metastasizing to the entire world. Strongmen only respect strength. We need to show him how nasty we can be. Watch what he does with targets he perceives as weaker than us (if there are any). If he goes after Panama first, or Greenland, you can be certain that we are next.
This is not empty rhetoric folks. I’ve been saying it since before the election and I’m going to keep saying it, he’s actually coming for us. His first term was full of empty threats. This one hasn’t been. He has followed through, and he will follow through. He will continue to bully us and come at us sideways for awhile, take what he can by hook or by crook, but eventually he will get impatient and greedy. He is coming. Prepare to be another Ukraine, another Afghanistan. The latter is a tiny, technologically backwards nation that is called the “Graveyard of empires” for good reason. We can be that, and we will need to be that. I say this to reassure you that it is absolutely possible to defend our sovereignty against a much larger aggressor. This is anything but a lost cause, but we need to take it very seriously, because he is deadly serious.
He absolutely is dumb. But that doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous.
He looks to us the way Putin looks at Ukraine.
Cancer is very dumb, by any metric I can possibly imagine:
- it literally lacks any mechanism for intellect/processing information
- it is a random mutation that renders affected cells dysfunctional
- it has no mechanism to spread to another host, yet still kills the host it has
- it has four different ways that it might just kill itself
This only makes the metaphor all the more apt. Intelligent foes are far less dangerous. You have to be exceedingly dumb to choose mutually assured destruction.
Someone tell Doug Ford that capitulating to Trump is not going to pay off. He seems to be moving from big talk of resistance to total submission.
Yeah, I’m curious what changed. Did he get a payout to sell out his province and country? Was he blackmailed? Or was he just bluffing and America called him on it?
That what conservative do they would sell canada at the first chance but they have to look like big bad men so they bark a little then roll over
SCOTUS declaring full immunity for anything done as an official presidential act is probably why this term feels less hollow; last time around he had to be careful not to end up in prison, this time he has nothing to fear.
So why does he want to annex Canada if it’s so “nasty”?
Nasty, filled with drugs, and we have nothing that Americans need! LOL What a clown.
“I deal with every country, indirectly or directly. One of the nastiest countries to deal with is Canada,” Trump said.
I’ll take that as a complement from you. Thanks!
Yeah. Tells me our government is working.
If he stops being adversarial on every situation and threatening us then we’ll be friendly, like we are with every other country.
It calls us nasty because we fight back. And it’s going to be nastier, donnie.
I wish Australia and the UK were as nasty as Canada. Tariff the US already you cowards.
