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RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 12 days ago

Woman Reminds Self Not To Catastrophize After Spotting 4 Skeletal Horsemen On Horizon

theonion.com

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Woman Reminds Self Not To Catastrophize After Spotting 4 Skeletal Horsemen On Horizon

theonion.com

RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 12 days ago
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LOWELL, MA—Doing her best to follow her therapist’s advice for dealing with stressful situations, area woman Holly Debling reportedly reminded herself Tuesday not to catastrophize after she spotted four skeletal horsemen on the horizon. “Okay, Holly, remember: Just because a great trumpet has sounded at the arrival of four unearthly riders, that doesn’t necessarily mean […]
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  • BigMikeInAustin@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    I mean, if it means the end of the trump reign, should we really complain?

    • HexadecimalSky@lemmy.world
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      12 days ago

      Theres this comedy skit of this person prophesying the end of days, and people are thanking him, feeling relieved so he starts saying everything is going to be okay, imma try to find it.

      Edit: here https://youtu.be/xZuqe9-Ve70

      • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world
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        12 days ago

        Lemmy doesn’t have enough Ryan George

    • modifier@lemmy.ca
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      12 days ago

      All I’m saying is, I could be talked around to the idea. I’m saying I’m not open to a 4 horsemen regime, but I’m less closed to it than I was a year ago.

      • peoplebeproblems@midwest.social
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        12 days ago

        Assuming they hold equal but separated power? Might be something worth checking into IMO.

        • PattyMcB@lemmy.world
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          11 days ago

          Isn’t Death kinda the head honcho?

          • Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org
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            11 days ago

            Without war, pestilence or hunger death is much less threatening though

          • peoplebeproblems@midwest.social
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            11 days ago

            No, and I don’t think Death should really be named “Death.”

            They all end up with death.

            You either die to things that normally kill you (old age, falling off a cliff, etc), die of hunger, die of disease, or die in war.

            So his name should really be “Mortality”.

            Edit: or “Morty” for short?

            • PattyMcB@lemmy.world
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              11 days ago

              You son of a bitch, I’m in

    • mutual_ayed@sh.itjust.works
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      12 days ago

      The problem is Trump’s riding ahead of the horses, they may be in cahoots

      • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca
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        12 days ago

        Yep.

        It’s trump in a greasy gilded golf cart carried like a ghetto palanquin ported by poor people. Then the horsemen:

        1. Putin for war
        2. Bibi for conquest
        3. Kim for famine
        4. Xi for death

        Chasing after them are some truly stupid people throwing flowers and pledging eternal support.

      • JokeDeity@lemm.ee
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        12 days ago

        Now I can’t stop imagining Trump as Baal in Diablo 2.

        https://youtu.be/UeVzNzO3PHk

        • Ledericas@lemm.ee
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          trump is too incompetent to be baal, lord of destruction, hes not as coninviing and smart as baal. he would be a low-level demon.

          • JokeDeity@lemm.ee
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            12 days ago

            He’s an idiot, he’s incompetent, he’s blinded by greed, jealousy and hatred… And yet he’s incredibly powerful and doing serious damage to the entire planet, he’s totally Baal.

    • SapphironZA@sh.itjust.works
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      12 days ago

      I would like to thank Lucifer for our salvation. Damnation is a marked improvement over unregulated capitalism.

    • makyo@lemmy.world
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      12 days ago

      Sweet Meteor of Death failed us, maybe the Four Horseman can come to our aid

  • x00z@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    my eyes are probably just bleeding because they’re dry

    Oh my

    • phorq@lemmy.ml
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      12 days ago

      Where do they sell band-aids with pupil cutouts? Asking for a friend

  • Ricky Rigatoni@lemm.ee
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    12 days ago

    at this point i’d welcome them

    • Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      11 days ago

      I’d go straight to death and plead for a quick one. I don’t wanna be around to experience what his brothers bring.

      • samus12345@lemm.ee
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        11 days ago

        SORRY, WE’RE JUST HERE AS A METAPHOR. YOU HUMANS ARE THE ONES WHO DO THE ACTUAL KILLING AND SUCH.

  • shalafi@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    I’M JUST HERE TRYING TO DO MY JOB. WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OF IT?

    SQUEAK!

    I KNOW, I KNOW, IT’S JUST THAT THESE HUMANS CANNOT BE PLEASED!

    Should be plenty of eyeballs after, right?

    SQUEAK

    Didn’t ask you, was talking to the skeleton on the horse.

    I, UH, NEVER CONCERNED MYSELF WITH THE LEFTOVERS.

  • PattyMcB@lemmy.world
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    11 days ago

    Something something the world as we know it

  • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip
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    12 days ago

    That kinda looks like that Donnie darko actress

  • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQiMLhHjLxk

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